Teen Angst, that still applies at 21..

So, I was clearing out my room (moving house an' all that) and came across one of my many, many notebooks full of lyrics/statements/feelings from when I was 16. A lot of it is pretty good but some really does make me want to curl up and die! The reason for this blog though, is one entry full of hate. I'd decided for whatever reason to vent my hates on paper. Some, maybe most of it still applies. Although it's kinda depressing, I'm pretty proud of it. And here we go:

"I Hate you"
I hate that I screwed up,
I hate that I can't do anything about it.
I hate that I can't make you believe what I say.
I hate that I'm too pathetic to do anything drastic.
I hate that you can't see how much I care.
I hate how you can't be in my shoes and feel how I feel.
I hate that I caused all of this.
I hate that there is no point to life if you feel like this.
I hate that I can't make you see what I'm willing to risk.
I hate that you think I'm so insignificant.
I hate that you judge me so harshly.
I hate that you're so selfish.
I hate that I'm so selfish.
I hate that you talk to HER, of all people.
I hate that I don't have enough patience for your silence.
I hate that I don't have enough courage to speak.
I hate that my objections and comebacks are so weak.
I hate that my weak replies irritate you.
I hate that you don't understand me.
I hate that you think I don't understand you.
I hate that you think time will resolve this.
I hate that you think pushing problems away, solves them.
I hate that I'm holding back.
I hate that I'm so insecure.
I hate that I have to beg you.
I hate that I have SO many childish fears.
I hate that your words are so calm.
I hate that I can't stand it when you're calm.
I hate that you can't do anything else but agree to me begging.
I hate that I'm so weak.
I hate that I'm such a coward.
I hate that I'm so broken.
I hate that I can't end this.
I hate that I don't know who I am anymore.
I hate that I'm frightened of what I'm becoming.
I hate that I've built walls around myself.
I hate that I can't let anybody in.
I hate that I won't sleep.
I hate that I'm too scared of life to do anything.
I hate that I have no one else to support me.
I hate that you make me think this way.
I hate that I always say things I don't mean.
I hate that I can never be myself.
I hate having to put on an act for everyone.
I hate that I can't trust and yet still trust far too easily.
I hate love.
I hate that I LET you make me feel this way.




I hate that I hate all these things and yet, love you to death...






Yeah. Some teen angst in all of that. Yet, I love it's poetry. I may have only been 16 but it would seem I was older than my years.

And maybe depressed. Hahah.

xox